Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu
Jintao was named chief
of the Communist Party in China.
(Condi is Condoleeza Rice,
President George W. Bush's National Security Adviser)
HU/WHO'S ON FIRST?
(at the Oval Office) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new
leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you. George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu. George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The China man! Condi: Hu is leading China. George: Now whaddya' asking me for? Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China. George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China? Condi: That's the man's name. George: That's whose name? Condi: Yes. George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of
the new leader of
China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he was in the
Middle East. Condi: That's correct. George: Then who is in China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir is in China? Condi: No, sir. George: Then who is? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the
new leader of
China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi? George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi? George: No. Condi: You don't want Kofi. George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a
glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir. George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi? George: Milk! Will you please make the call? Condi: And call who? George: Who is the guy at the U.N.? Condi: Hu is the guy in China. George: Will you stay out of China?! Condi: Yes, sir. George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
the guy at the
U.N. Condi: Kofi. George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get
on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here. George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls,
too. Maybe we
should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?
